Greg Peters, of The Reluctant Networker, is a self identified nerd, a computer programmer with a degree in mathematics and a sci fi aficionado. He told the LA2M audience he understands what it’s like to feel awkward in networking situations. He said if you would prefer a root canal to networking, then you know what he’s felt like.
Peters explained that purpose and preparation are the keys to more comfortable and valuable networking. Using the example of a birthday cake, he said if someone asks for a cake, they probably won’t get what they really want. Peters said, “People want to help out,” but we need to be specific and exacting about what we want or need.
“Other people have their own lives and don’t have time to figure out what you want,” Peters explained. He recommended asking for a referral that is exactly the right target market for you business. He said, “The better we are able to describe it, the better the referral we can get.”
Peters said a similar principle applies to choosing networking events. It’s important to network with the right people. “By knowing what we want, we will know who to ask,” he said. That applies to networking situations and existing relationships.
Perceived effort and risk will determine how appropriate a request is, Peters explained. People generally value their reputation over any material object and a referral is lending their reputation, he said.
Peters used the acronym ART to describe networking relationship stages. A = Awareness, which is the beginning of a networking relationship. At this stage, it’s best not to ask for much because people are just getting acquainted.
R = Relationship and that is broken down into 3 steps, said Peters. R1 is the beginning of relationship development and becoming aware on a surface level of fulfilling needs. R2 is being able to ask for referrals to some peripheral level in their network. R3 is a more complete relationship which may include knowing about their family and their business challenges. At this stage, each party is looking out for the needs of the other and can ask to meet anyone in their network.
T = Trust, when the people become like family or like business partners. Peters explained that not every relationship can be taken to the trust level. Some people are always just business associates.
Peters said a good comparison to relationship trust is the level of water we could float on. Is it a puddle or an ocean? The more water, the larger the object that will float and the more trust in a relationship, the bigger favor that can be asked.
Peters said of building a relationship, “The best way is to ask how you can help, with sincerity and actually caring. Otherwise you are a user. You help them out first without expectations of results.” The relationship must include sincere caring and respect for the other person.
If we receive a referral, it helps the giver if we are appreciative and offer feedback on the results. This helps them to not waste their time. Knowing what works and what doesn't is valuable information. A referral may not work out because it’s not a good fit, or it just isn’t a good match. A referral may turn out to be a great fit and a home run.
Peters recommends rewarding someone for a referral by at the very least saying thanks. Sometimes a lunch or a small gift are appropriate as a thank you but not as a payment.
“At the base of it, networking boils down to ‘so that’” said Peters. It’s so that we can build our business, take care of our family, support nonprofits and so that we can create a life of significance.
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